


by my side

by talkingtoangels



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Introspection, Multi, Relationship Study, can be read as romantic or platonic it's up for interpretation, minimal dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6789847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkingtoangels/pseuds/talkingtoangels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a smile on Yamaguchi’s lips. </p>
<p>( Tsukishima can’t help but smile right back. )</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Or, Tsukishima thinks about Yamaguchi and their relationship quite a lot. ( Yamaguchi does, too. )</p>
            </blockquote>





	by my side

**Author's Note:**

> Please please listen to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8xqPTHJ-8A), I almost cried when I found it because it's so perfect for these two. Especially the title. The song is also what inspired me to write this fic, so you'll probably see some references here and there!

The funny thing is, Tsukishima hasn’t known Yamaguchi for his whole life. Okay, that’s not exactly the funny part. The real funny part is that Tsukishima can’t _remember_ what his life was like before he met Yamaguchi. He has vague recollections, sure. For example, he knows that his brother had been a pretty big part of his life back then. He also remembers borrowing dinosaur books from the library to read by himself after school. And then there was volleyball, too.

But mostly, he just remembers being lonely.

It’s not like he’d ever admit it to anyone, but he had no real friends for the first 10 or so years of his life. There were a couple of classmates that he occasionally talked to, but he’d never considered them _friends_. They were never close enough for that, but Tsukishima hadn’t really minded. He hadn’t particularly wanted to be friends with any of them.

But just because he hadn’t wanted to be friends with any of those people, that hadn’t meant that he didn’t want friends at all. Without friends, he never had anyone to eat lunch with at school, or invite to his house on the weekends. And when he played volleyball, nobody would volunteer to be his partner or help him stretch.

He had his family, but they couldn’t always be there for him. He hadn’t been able to be too dependent on them anyway, his brother used to be on his case all the time about making friends with the other kids.

But Tsukishima had always been bad at that. _Making friends_. He’d never made a friend that actually ended up sticking around.

So when he met Yamaguchi, he hadn’t thought that it was going to be a big deal.

( He was so wrong. )

 

\--

 

Tsukishima knows that Yamaguchi tries harder than anybody. He sees it in the way he practices his serves and the way he studies before tests. He sees it in the way Yamaguchi never gives up, even when things are harder for him than anyone else.

Tsukishima knows that things don’t always come naturally for Yamaguchi the way they do to other people.

Tsukishima knows all this better than anyone else, except perhaps Yamaguchi himself.

It contrasts so much with Tsukishima’s own demotivational nature that Tsukishima often wonders whether he holds Yamaguchi back from doing even better.

( He doesn’t, because Yamaguchi looks at Tsukishima and sees something to work for, someone to strive to be like. )

( And sometimes, Yamaguchi needs someone to tell him that he doesn’t have to work so hard, that he’s good enough, and he’s fine just the way he is. )

( Tsukishima gladly does just that. )

 

\--

 

They’re always there for each other, Tsukishima thinks. Or, at least he knows that Yamaguchi is always there for him. Tsukishima tries his best to be there for his friend, too.

Tsukishima’s not stupid, he knows he’s fallen short more than a few times in that department over the course of their friendship. But he tries, and he tries more than ever now, knowing all that Yamaguchi’s done for him throughout the years.

But it’s also more than that. He tries because he _wants_ to, wants to be there for the only person who’s stuck with him since the beginning, the one who cares the most.

Often, Tsukishima thinks that Yamaguchi could do so much better than him, deserved so much better than somebody like Tsukishima.

He doesn’t know if it’s selfish to feel glad that Yamaguchi stays with him anyway.

( It probably is. )

( But that just makes Tsukishima want to try all the more, so he can be the person Yamaguchi deserves to be with. )

 

\--

 

It scares Tsukishima how much he can’t imagine his life without Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi is always there, a constant by his side. His routine has become so dependent on Yamaguchi’s presence in his life that when Tsukishima tries to imagine them separating, no longer a part of each other’s lives, he comes up with-

Nothing.

Just like how life before meeting Yamaguchi is a vague blur, a future without Yamaguchi is a huge blank.

It- It’s just not _right_ , he thinks. It’d be like- like if there was a summer without sun, or a hurricane without rain, or a beach without sand, or _the moon without the stars_.

( It feels so wrong. )

And it’s not codependency, Tsukishima knows. It’s not that he can’t function without Yamaguchi, because he can. It’s just that Tsukishima can’t imagine Yamaguchi _not being there_.

( The very idea terrifies him. )

 

\--

 

“Do you regret it?” Tsukishima asks one day.

Yamaguchi looks at him quizzically. “Regret what?”

Tsukishima is facing away when he replies, “Anything.”

Yamaguchi hums. “Sure, I regret lots of things. Like not paying attention in chemistry yesterday. I think I failed the quiz. Also, eating that bad sausage two weeks ago. I had a stomachache for two days.”

Tsukishima was silent for a while. Then, he asks, “Would you ever regret a person?”

Yamaguchi tips his head as if thinking. “Maybe. If they treated me badly, I might.”

Swallowing, Tsukishima continues. “Has… Has that happened?”

Tsukishima risks meeting Yamaguchi’s eyes. They’re soft, warm, and knowing. Tsukishima finds himself unable to look away.

“No, never.” There’s a smile on Yamaguchi’s lips.

( Tsukishima can’t help but smile right back. )

 

\--

 

Tsukishima likes the way their relationship is: smooth as clockwork.

He likes the way they fall into step with each other on the way to school, every day without question. He likes how Yamaguchi always knows what to say in any given one of Tsukishima’s moods. He also likes the way he always knows what Yamaguchi’s thinking just by the expression on his face.

He really likes how Yamaguchi always seems to know exactly what he’s talking about, even when no one else does.

And he really, really likes the way they can have entire conversations from across the room without actually using their voices.

( What Tsukishima likes the absolute _most_ though, is how he can tell that Yamaguchi likes the way they are just as much as he does. )

 

\--

 

Tsukishima knows their relationship isn’t _perfect_. All relationships have its ups and downs, and theirs is no exception.

The important thing, though, is that they work through it. They’ll come out of it stronger than before.

However, there will always be things that Tsukishima wishes he’d done.

( The first and foremost- he wishes he’d treated Yamaguchi much, much better than he had, no matter what Yamaguchi says. )

But otherwise, Tsukishima thinks that he probably wouldn’t change anything. He loves the way the two of them are right now, and everything that they went through that made it the way it is.

( The best part is that Tsukishima knows that Yamaguchi is on the same page as him. ) 


End file.
